Dear friends, family and mostly students...
I have moved to lovecove.multiply.com
My apologies to my anxious student fans *wink*...hehe



Sigh...what a way to start a blog entry. But that's how life has been. Or rather, what life? Dunman is sapping my life. sounds pathetic huh. Maybe its not that bad. i'm just exaggerating. you know me. :P
Tried to get into my friendster account after years of not going in. had to get new e-mail and all and the stupid thing just won't verify my e-mail add no matter how i try in various ways. So i couldn't reply any of those msgs. To Ayul and Diana, my cuzins, if you happen to stumble upon my blog, wanted to say i loved what u did to ur friendster pg. spoke of volumes of love.aww...cldn't reply ur msg. but am real happy to c how happy u guys are with your 2 lil princes. :)
coming to my 6th mth soon. baby dearest was real amusing just now. Was watching my indian dance kids rehearsing for SYF with the Indian music blasting and all. & suddenly he was so super active, kicking away like nobody's business. bet he was doing his own indian dance in there. With my inclination for prata with lots of curry, mummy's lil one better come out looking like some Hindustan hero okay? hehe.
Past has come back to haunt me and adina if i may add. thought i saw my past from the back at Vivo city a few days back. Didn't dare look back to verify. Just walked past. Didn't tell hubby either. didn't want him to get unnecessarily upset.
Don't know why but pregnancy makes me feel insecure. No matter how much hubby dearest reassures me with his love, ther's those moments when he has to be out at work late or go for those night jobs, those moments when old fears and insecurities start haunting me again. Today is one of those moments. I hate my past for having inflicted that onto me. but like what sunshine junior said, the past will not hurt you unless u allow it to by raking it up again. besides, i have 'past' to thank for making me the woman i am today.
I may have your daughter, but other than the trickling red substance, you are just a name to her because she already has a real father.
On a brighter note, susnhine jnr has been a devoted santarina sending me those love filled notes on a weekly affair. thank you my dear. those notes may be lil but they mean a lot to me :)
SYF begins next week. The pressure to produce for all 4 groups is mounting. :( n what i fear most is my modern dance. in short, i don't feel too hopeful looking at the way things are progressing. :( Setting of mid-yr papers is soon due. that means vetting for all the el and lit papers for sec1-3 will be coming in too. that's apart from the marking and the lessons missed coz of SYF. :(
God,give me strength to undertake these challenges to the utmost of my ability for without You, i am nothing.
Ok...a depressing entry signing off on a depressing note.



You know what i realise about blogging? It makes me reflect on life and most often than not, i recall all the wonderful things i have been blessed with in life. Praises be to Him. :)
Yesterday morning, i had a noce surprise to start off the week. In my mailbox in the office were 4 nomination forms for 'the most caring teacher award' which was conducted last year. And God bless those angelic devils (such an oxymoron!) but there, on their paper was their little tribute to me and their nomination for me to receive the award. It came from Ru Lan, Nozhat, Qhairil and someone i didn't quite expect to actually do this kind of stuff, Louis Zhang Feng Yan. :) I suddenly realise how all those littlex2 things i did for them and all those littlex2 times when i took 5 or 10 mins of my time to spend with them,either consoling or advising, all those times have not been left unnoticed. Of course I can't run away from the emotional attachment that have grown through seeing them grow,( not so much academically but as individuals with a heart) but feeling all warm and loved inside makes it all worthwhile.And although its obvious i did not get anywhere near winning the award, like i said, its all worthwhile.

A few days back, auntie junior sunshine alicia send me an sms about how she would still want to study literature and how it has taught her some valuable life lessons. I used to tell my fellow Lit colleagues, its different loving Literature and conveying that same love to the students. But at that time i read Alicia's message, I felt that my mission had been accomplished. Even if i had managed to spread the love for lit to just one student, she will continue to propogate this love to many others. Sure makes me feel darn good. hehe. :)

'Teach-touch lives'. That saying used to be a cliche which i would just plainly mentally discard but having gone only 4 years down the teaching road, I can sincerely say, the fulfillment you get from knowing that you have touched lives and made a difference, it beats all the cliches. I can hear them a thousand times and see them flashed across the tv set countless times, but i can truly say its no cliche' to be plainly brushed aside anymore. Thanks for the 'how are you doing' messages and the congratulatory messages Anwar, Nurul Syaz & of course Auntie Alicia. & thanks for remembering me Shiffa and even dreaming of me, Melati. & Angel who stopped by to see how i was doing. :)

Back at home, hubby dearest has been my 'elves and the shoemaker', doing all the household chores while i sleep and voila! I wake up to nicely folded laundry and mopped floors and even breakfsat in bed. hehe. I so love this guy. And poor him, he has been suffering from worse nausea cases than me.hehe.They call it the sympathy syndrome and this supposed sympathy syndrome has seen him all giddy and running to the toilet to vomit when he wakes up. hehe. Though it doesn't happen all the time (maybe 2 or 3 times a week) but its hilarious and i don't know why, but it makes me feel loved and all good. hehe. But of course, it comes with a downside. And thats the role reversal- when i have to do the massaging and all. hehe. but I don't mind. I so love this ex-boyfriend of mine. :)

And of course, how can i forget the love of my life, Adina who has been ever so thoughful to ask me to rest almost eveytime she sees me tired. :)

Dear God, thank you for everything.
I may not have riches but You have given me so much more than that.
Segala puji bagi mu Ya Allah...



Blinkx2...yup...reality check. school hols are almost over. sobx2. been trying to update my blog a few times already but have lost the entry at least twice and it just fizzled my blogging mood out.
well..right now, i'm in the fish tycoon fever thanks to hubby dearest. As a compensation for not allowing him to bring his big bulky fish tanks over to our new place, I allowed him to buy this fish tycoon game online and u know i spend ridiculous hours (yup, i got addicted too) breeding fishes and selling them. right now, i'm not a tycoon yet but as i blog, my fishes are growing. hehe. :)
got the class postings yeaterday. tough load next year but i console myself with the fact that i'll be around only till mid july. yea! that's coz adina's gonna be a sis and baby dearest is due somewhere around my birthday! :) hope its a boy this time. and adina's been forcing me to taste all the nice food she is tasting coz she insist that her lil bro/sis gets to taste it too. hehe. :)
wonder how my 5b-ians and my lit-ians from 5a are doing... guess it will be a whole new start to loving a whole new class next year. actually, not that new coz i've taught some of them already before. well...february's gonna come soon and so will the results. i just hope my kids do well. both my 5b and 5a. and dat auntie sunshine alicia who's been working her butts off for christmas gifts.kinda miss those people... :(
orites then...tomorrow is check up day and dis lil one is a bit more fussy than his sis. been causing me breathlessness and stuff. we'll see how he's doing tomorrow in the ultrasound. n no, my tummy is not yet at bulging state but pregnancy does give you a universally recognized reason to get fat. hehe...not that i intend to though. just in case.. *wink*

Mummy Farah signing off....







6 September 2006. I can't believe i'm married. Alhamdullillah. Praises to Him. Everything went well. Me and my dearest hubby are now happily having our honeymoon at Central Beach Resort, a 5 star resort in Krabi. Having our tea time break at the club lounge then we're back to our room withj the private jacuzzi to get ready to go to Ao Nang to shop and have seafood dinner. Our stay has been pleasant and we are so much in love. Insyaallah,it will stay this way or get even better all the way till jannah.
Thanks to all who came for our wedding. for my dear students who came all the way despite the distance, love u guys. I love the gifts too. :) will update with pics when i come back to singapore. My lil angel is also having her lil holiday at her kak chik'c place, my 9 yr old cuz's house. She was crying for a while when she saw us off at the airport but she was okay after dat. miss her so much. ok, gtg enjoy my pastries and the specially made ice coffee.hubby waiting... :)

p.s: Can't believe i'm married.



Hey...been long on a blog holiday. just felt a spur of writing in con junction with father's day today. So here it is. A tribute to my father...

My Abah has always been a man of few words. Since young, I've always seen him as the disciplinarian or an 'indicator of intolerable behaviour' coz mama was always the one whose anger was, and still is, often expressed through her two most well used weapons: a sharp tongue and a gift of spewing a continuous flow of words; something which I think may have been passed down to me through all the verbal sparring 'sessions' we had. Abah on the other hand was the 'silent killer'. He was often the cool and patient one. But much like Vesuvius whose eruption buried the city of Pompeii, my siblings and I were very well aware that once Abah has voiced out something, we're probably in deep trouble.

I remember once when I was in primary school and our family rented a chalet during one of the school holidays and 'Vesuvius' erupted. I have often been the more rebellious one among my siblings and one who sometimes doesn’t think twice before voicing out my thoughts. My siblings and I were glued in front of the tv set watching a Chinese drama serial and refused to budge despite the frequent calls from mama to eat dinner. I guess Abah reached the peak of his patience and 'summoned' us to have dinner but the 'smart' me who didn't spot the danger signs even managed to retort some unhappy snide remarks which 'earned' me a big tight slap across my face. Since then, I only recall being hit one other time when Abah saw a photo taken of me with a boyfriend but these two incidents left me lasting impressions and memories of my disciplinarian father; one which has evolved to tender feelings of appreciation and understanding as I now recall those incidents in retrospect and view them not with the eyes of a rebellious teen but that of a daughter and a mother.

My Abah is a pious man who loves going off to remote places around the region with my granduncle in search for some 'makams' or some wise old habib somewhere. When he goes off for these week long trips, which we have grown used to, his absence is minimally felt. However, several years back, I had a dream. In it, I dreamt that Abah passed away and the sense of loss was so permeating that I woke up with fresh tears trickling down my already wet cheeks. In fact, for several days after, I still felt the lingering sense of sadness even though Abah was still physically present, well and healthy in front of my very eyes. I guess even though Abah has usually played a more 'behind-the-scenes' role in bringing us up and stepping in when situation starts to get out of hand, he has always been a quiet but very significant figure in my life.

Another incident which I can never forget was the day of my nikah during my first marriage. It was obvious Abah knew all along that he wasn’t the one for me. Yet none of his words nor my mum's could counter my strong headedness. Though Abah consented to be my wali on that fateful day, the tears he shed when he hugged me before the photo-taking spoke of the tears of a defeated father; one who may have felt that he had failed in his duty yet with great magnanimity prayed sincerely for my well-being. Those tears that fell heavily down with love, wrenched my heart but there was no way I could say it.

Ever since I was a toddler learning to walk and literally needed help to get up when I fell, till now when I am 26 and face even greater stumbles in life and still need help to get on my two feet again, it's always been Abah and Mama who offered their hand to get me up again. My Abah is not one who is expressive with his feelings but through all the times when I more than disappointed him and mama yet both never shunned their help when I needed them, through all the countless times when I never heeded his advice yet he was there to offer his assistance when I got myself in a mess, for all these 26 years till now when his duties as a father has technically been relinquished, I don't need those three words to be spoken out loud. I know his actions speak time and again of the sincere and heavily laden love of a father.

And for this great man, I only have the utmost love and respect. May Allah bless you always.

Happy Fathers' Day Abah.

Farhana aka Adina

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