The new year
Sunday, January 02, 2005
pejam kelip pejam kelip.. dah pun 2005. wow...my dear darling is going to skl oredy and she is starting her first day on her mummy siti's bdy, 10th Jan.I'll be bringing my new video camera to film her on her first day. just hope i don't get scolded for unauthprized filming. hehe. but she has got rather clingy this hols so much so that she is not at all enthusiastic to go to 'Hijrah Indergarten'(in adina's words)
Next week will be a daunting week. Partly coz of being 'awarded' with yet another problematic class but more coz An will be going to the doc's for the result of his brain scan this Fri. He took his brain scan last thurs 30th Dec and was to follow up on his next apptmnt on the 17th Jan. but he got a call from the hospital on 31st Dec saying that they have arranged for an earlier appointment, 7th Jan. why? An is feeling all upset and so am i. I don't know how to console him coz all along i have been the one telling him that its nothing. It's not a tumour. It's not a clot. It's just very bad migraine. but i guess all along, i was trying to convince myself more than i was trying to convince him.
Gosh.. i feel overwhelmed. yes it's true, at first,I wasn't actually in love with this guy who had so sincerely accepted me and adina and gave so much of his time and effort and love to us. More than Zack ever did. But with time, I've learned to appreciate him and love him for all his sacrifices. He's the papa who showered adina with his love,made her milk when i was busy,carried her all the way when she was tired though his back ached and even as she grew heavier. He was the papa who taught her how to climb the stairs (hehe..i still remember) and the one who comforted her when she was scared when i wasn't around. and he was oso the one who scolded her ad corrected her behaviour when she did wrong. the strict one when i just couldn't bear to be fierce. in short, though she was never his flesh and blood,yet he loved her like his own.
and how he'll pamper me by cooking what i like when i go over his place on saturdays for his family gatherings. How he'll get himself out of bed to accompany me to send adina for her playgrp although he just came back from his 12 hour shift work. how he'll insist on sending me home even though he's down with fever. Or how he'll make sure my head and adina's is covered when we r caught in d rain but his is left exposed.Or how he'll travel all the way down from Jurong West to Bedok Reservoir on the mrt to send me food that he has cooked for me..or how he never raised his voice at me when we have misunderstandings but tolerate my phone slamming(hehe) and call me back again to patiently talk things out with me.. sigh.. so many good things i can say about him. this blog entry will go on and on if i continue.
i used to pray and ask God for a man who loves me more than i love him, loyal and loving and who is willing to sacrifice just abt anything for me. i just realised, my prayers have been answered. but funny how u have just got started to plan your life ahead with somebody and fate decides to throw u a challenge with such timely precision.
Hanya padaMu Ya Allahku berserah. Hanya padaMu Ya Rahim ku bermohon. Sesungguhnya aku redha dengan qada' dan qadarMu.
