drained.....
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
yes last week was a very short week and something i wish every week would be but unfortunately, the days seem to be sludging by. the house has not only financially costs me, but mentally, physically and emotionally too. some other 'things' have happened since d last time i wrote my blog entry. not just to An. Adina and me have been disturbed in our dreams (or shall i call it a short nightmare), my cousin's friend who came to help with the painting saw and smelled something when he was alone in the master bedroom n worse, i think it has followed An home. n i think wat Salha said is true, its residing in one of us. n i think 'it' is residing in An.
But the worst out of all of this disturbances is the emotional toil it has caused us. Somehow, since the house came along (n especially more so now) we've often not seen eye to eye. though we don't break out into arguments, its worse coz we just keep ourselves away from each other. actually its more of him. n i notice how it gets especially obvious and worse whenever we go to house.An notices the change in him too n how he's getting more hot headed. seems like a reversal of our usual roles (padan muka kau farhana :( ). you know how they say that a house with gangguan, rumah nya 'panas'. penghunix2 selalu bergaduh. i already feel it. i don't noe whether its coz we're getting more serious n heading towards marriage or wat. but whatever it is, i don't want my 2nd marriage to fail. not again.
n i can't help but feel so emotionally taxed. adina knows better coz after each prayer when i sit at the prayer mat and hold my hand up to Him, she'll be the one to sit beside me and ask "Mama, are you ok? Why are you getting sadder and sadder?", everytime she sees the tears falling. hehe. that lil angel. i still remember the first time she saw me crying when i tengah duduk berdoa.I was still in the midst of my doa when i heard lil sobs and when i finished and wiped my palms across my face, adina broke into uncontrollable sobs. Although i was still tearing, i couldn't help but smile.I asked her "darling why are you crying? Why are you sad" and dat lil angel said, "I sad because you sad" and she broke into her sobs again. *smiles*
Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, kurniaanMu tak terhingga.Apakah aku termampu membalas kasih yang Engkau berikan pada hambaMu yang hina lagi dhaif ini?
