A tribute to my father
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Hey...been long on a blog holiday. just felt a spur of writing in con junction with father's day today. So here it is. A tribute to my father...
My Abah has always been a man of few words. Since young, I've always seen him as the disciplinarian or an 'indicator of intolerable behaviour' coz mama was always the one whose anger was, and still is, often expressed through her two most well used weapons: a sharp tongue and a gift of spewing a continuous flow of words; something which I think may have been passed down to me through all the verbal sparring 'sessions' we had. Abah on the other hand was the 'silent killer'. He was often the cool and patient one. But much like Vesuvius whose eruption buried the city of Pompeii, my siblings and I were very well aware that once Abah has voiced out something, we're probably in deep trouble.
I remember once when I was in primary school and our family rented a chalet during one of the school holidays and 'Vesuvius' erupted. I have often been the more rebellious one among my siblings and one who sometimes doesn’t think twice before voicing out my thoughts. My siblings and I were glued in front of the tv set watching a Chinese drama serial and refused to budge despite the frequent calls from mama to eat dinner. I guess Abah reached the peak of his patience and 'summoned' us to have dinner but the 'smart' me who didn't spot the danger signs even managed to retort some unhappy snide remarks which 'earned' me a big tight slap across my face. Since then, I only recall being hit one other time when Abah saw a photo taken of me with a boyfriend but these two incidents left me lasting impressions and memories of my disciplinarian father; one which has evolved to tender feelings of appreciation and understanding as I now recall those incidents in retrospect and view them not with the eyes of a rebellious teen but that of a daughter and a mother.
My Abah is a pious man who loves going off to remote places around the region with my granduncle in search for some 'makams' or some wise old habib somewhere. When he goes off for these week long trips, which we have grown used to, his absence is minimally felt. However, several years back, I had a dream. In it, I dreamt that Abah passed away and the sense of loss was so permeating that I woke up with fresh tears trickling down my already wet cheeks. In fact, for several days after, I still felt the lingering sense of sadness even though Abah was still physically present, well and healthy in front of my very eyes. I guess even though Abah has usually played a more 'behind-the-scenes' role in bringing us up and stepping in when situation starts to get out of hand, he has always been a quiet but very significant figure in my life.
Another incident which I can never forget was the day of my nikah during my first marriage. It was obvious Abah knew all along that he wasn’t the one for me. Yet none of his words nor my mum's could counter my strong headedness. Though Abah consented to be my wali on that fateful day, the tears he shed when he hugged me before the photo-taking spoke of the tears of a defeated father; one who may have felt that he had failed in his duty yet with great magnanimity prayed sincerely for my well-being. Those tears that fell heavily down with love, wrenched my heart but there was no way I could say it.
Ever since I was a toddler learning to walk and literally needed help to get up when I fell, till now when I am 26 and face even greater stumbles in life and still need help to get on my two feet again, it's always been Abah and Mama who offered their hand to get me up again. My Abah is not one who is expressive with his feelings but through all the times when I more than disappointed him and mama yet both never shunned their help when I needed them, through all the countless times when I never heeded his advice yet he was there to offer his assistance when I got myself in a mess, for all these 26 years till now when his duties as a father has technically been relinquished, I don't need those three words to be spoken out loud. I know his actions speak time and again of the sincere and heavily laden love of a father.
And for this great man, I only have the utmost love and respect. May Allah bless you always.
Happy Fathers' Day Abah.
